Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Demotivational and Blog Fails

It has been months since my last post.  I won't say it's because I didn't have the time, I had time in spades.  The motivation to write a post on the other hand?  Epic Fail on all accounts of work and writing.

I have become seriously demotivated.  This does not mean that I'm unhappy.  I'm actually quite happy with the way all the cancer treatments worked out.  The low iodine diet was a PITA (Pain in the.. you know), and being radioactive for 5 days was more boring than anything, but other than that, pretty smooth sailing and everything easy to deal with.

I think my problem is that my life came to a stop on October 19, 2010, the day I found out I had cancer, and even though I'm technically back up and running again, I still feel like I'm stuck on hold.

I need a serious mental kick in the butt to get going again, but I don' know how I'm going to give that to myself.  I want to lose the 10lbs I gained while I was hypothyroid for 3 weeks prior to the radioiodine treatment, and I've even joined weight watchers to try, but all I can say is that for the most part I'm not motivated to even change or track my eating habits (though at least I can maintain the same weight easily).  Even the thought of going on a very belated 10th anniversary OMGGOTTAGETAWAY trip to someplace warm with the hubby isn't enough to motivate me.

Then there's my writing and anything to do with it.  It's actually a big step for me to even be getting off of my proverbial butt, and it was actually reading a friend of mine's (Suzanne Stengl) blog that got me over here.  Even thinking of working on my manuscript isn't a fun thought for me, and I don't even know why.  I'm soooo close to the first turning point and it's getting edgier and more exciting, and I just... stop.  It's on hold.  Just like my blog was on hold. 

I've actually put real thought into doing some freelance work, just to try and get my writing brain working again.  We even had a super presentation on it at my last CaRWA meeting, but then I get stumped on what to actually write about.  I think to myself, "I have a useless hospitality management diploma, I have a semi-useless accounting certificate, and I have no real communications or writing courses, but I know how to write.  What the heck am I going to propose to someone that I write about?"  So until I am hit with a huge lightning bolt of inspiration from the Goddess, though I would take even a static shock right now, I feel like I'm on hold... again.

Again, I'm not depressed or unhappy with this whole situation, just sometimes a bit frustrated that I don't know which way I'm going to go next (that whole "in control of my life thing").  Once I get a bit more energy (another ongoing medical frustration until I get the right dosage of synthroid), I swear I'm going hunting for that game controller and hitting START (or maybe L R start select) so I can get on with this game called life!


  1. Welly, welly, welly . . .

    I found you on my blog yesterday so decided to come looking for you today. I had no idea you had a blog, and when I'm done here, I'm sending your link to Sheila, so she can put you with the links on the CARWA website.

    I’m taking a break from doing my taxes. I like doing my taxes . . . about as much as I like stabbing myself with a spoon. And now I’ve read your whole blog and am intrigued with your Thyroid Adventures. I knew that was all going on, but you’ve painted an entertaining picture. I know, Cancer should not be entertaining, but you’ve told a story I have not heard before. (Think magazines like Chatelaine - wanting to get “first person experiences”. Or, yes, Reader’s Digest. Google them for guidelines. There’s an assignment.)

    I particularly like the stories about the Un-Nurse, and if she doesn’t end up in the Reader’s Digest article, I know she’ll become a villainess in one of your stories.

    And then I get to the last blog entry, because I’m reading in chrono order, and you’ve actually mentioned ME? And you’re talking about ME being motivational?

    Confession time: I’ve got a m/s on hold too. It’s been on hold for a year. Oh, I’ve been writing: several short stories and greeting cards. I have 8 projects ‘Out There’ right now, waiting for the Powers to make a decision on them. Makes it interesting going to the In-Box.

    But I need to get back to my m/s. I picture my characters: they are setting in the kitchen where I left them and they’re talking to each other, wondering when I’m going to return to them and move their lives along.

    And so, the plan? Do the taxes. Finish them TODAY. And then begin again on the novel. Even if it’s only opening the files, and spending as long as it takes to drink a hot cup of tea with them.

    Shanna – thanks for motivating ME!

  2. I swear Suzanne, bug me next week and I will get on those assignments! This is definitely something that I can share. Yes, Cancer is not a fun thing, but you don't have to take a serious attitude towards it either.

    It's funny how neither of us has been feeling particularly motivated, but put us blogging together and suddenly there's that small static shock of inspiration. I'll make sure I scuff my feet lots on Saturday before I touch you! :)

  3. Mission accomplished! My taxes are Net filed and I've opened the files of BK 9. I think I like this book, and I can't wait to see what happens.

    I'll brace for scuffed feet on Saturday.