Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Lure of the Other Worlds

Why is it whenever you say you want to start truly doing something, you may end up doing it once or twice, but then find all the excuses in the world not to continue on with it.  This of course applies to many things: weight loss/lifestyle change, exercising, cleaning house (for me at least), and of course writing.

Didn't I say that I'd start it up again, keep up on my blog 1-2 times a week if possible?  A couple weeks later and I'm back, which is better than before, but why can't I even keep up with it once a week?  I'm honestly on my computer pretty much every night.  Ah, the comfort of my laptop, sitting all nice and cosy on the couch under that and a blanket, sipping on tea, and getting lost in... games.  That's right, not writing or keeping up with emails or anything else; instead I game.

Facecrack games: since I've gotten back to work, I've cut myself down to 1 1/2 of those damn game apps.  Though I still will respond to requests on a couple of others, I don't actually play the others any more.  They take up too much time.

Big Fish Games: Ahhh... the hidden object and puzzle games.  If I'm sick of others, I check out my mom's big fish account as she's sure to have a few of these that I haven't played yet.  And unfortunately, unlike the other games I play, there is no real-life clock showing, so I can lose hours of time to these... literally.

World of Warcraft: affectionately termed WoW, and I used to be a bit addicted.  Used to have more friends on it, plus it's something that both hubby and I liked to do.  I've given it 6yrs of my time.  It's been a long strange trip, but it's been a good one.

Rift:  This is the new player on the block.  It's only been around for about 4-5 months now.  They just started offering free 7-day trials.  And I've been sucked in a bit.  If I could afford it, I'd be buying this one. It's shiny, it's new, and it has some neat world concepts about it.  Plus the class systems and how customizable the interface is??  <drool>  Thank Goddess that I can't afford it either through time or money right now, because guess what would be taking up my time in the evenings past the 7-day trial?

And see?  Even when I'm writing I can't get away from games.  Games and books have always been my way to escape, even when I was a little kid.  I grew up playing Intelevision and Super Nintendo, plus we always had a computer with games, starting with a Tandy 1000 and a 286 (yes, dating myself).  Plus, when I started truly reading, I would devour whole series.  With these two things, I go into a whole other world.

I do go into this world while writing as well as reading though.  I call it book world, because anything that you are writing or reading about is completely real.  It's neat that when you ask the voices/characters in your head a question that they will actually answer it; and the answers do surprise you sometimes.

The good thing is that aside from all this, I have actually been writing in fits and spurts.  I entered a joke into the Reader's Digest website and maybe it will get picked.  I've started drafting up bits and pieces to query for an article on some of my cancer experiences to Reader's Digest too (thanks Suzanne!).  On top of that, I have been using what I learned in the very awesome CaRWA spring workshop with Mary Buckham to do some basic character plotting and try to plot out some of the major turning points, etc. of the paranormal YA that I have an idea for (hooray for demon children, literally!)  I've normally been a complete pantser before so this is new, but it feels right for this book.  So, I guess even though I have been gaming (as well as gardening, and doing other springtime activities that take up time) I still have been writing.  It's a step in the right direction.

Now I just have to get caught up with the rest of my writing responsibilities...

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Demotivational and Blog Fails

It has been months since my last post.  I won't say it's because I didn't have the time, I had time in spades.  The motivation to write a post on the other hand?  Epic Fail on all accounts of work and writing.

I have become seriously demotivated.  This does not mean that I'm unhappy.  I'm actually quite happy with the way all the cancer treatments worked out.  The low iodine diet was a PITA (Pain in the.. you know), and being radioactive for 5 days was more boring than anything, but other than that, pretty smooth sailing and everything easy to deal with.

I think my problem is that my life came to a stop on October 19, 2010, the day I found out I had cancer, and even though I'm technically back up and running again, I still feel like I'm stuck on hold.

I need a serious mental kick in the butt to get going again, but I don' know how I'm going to give that to myself.  I want to lose the 10lbs I gained while I was hypothyroid for 3 weeks prior to the radioiodine treatment, and I've even joined weight watchers to try, but all I can say is that for the most part I'm not motivated to even change or track my eating habits (though at least I can maintain the same weight easily).  Even the thought of going on a very belated 10th anniversary OMGGOTTAGETAWAY trip to someplace warm with the hubby isn't enough to motivate me.

Then there's my writing and anything to do with it.  It's actually a big step for me to even be getting off of my proverbial butt, and it was actually reading a friend of mine's (Suzanne Stengl) blog that got me over here.  Even thinking of working on my manuscript isn't a fun thought for me, and I don't even know why.  I'm soooo close to the first turning point and it's getting edgier and more exciting, and I just... stop.  It's on hold.  Just like my blog was on hold. 

I've actually put real thought into doing some freelance work, just to try and get my writing brain working again.  We even had a super presentation on it at my last CaRWA meeting, but then I get stumped on what to actually write about.  I think to myself, "I have a useless hospitality management diploma, I have a semi-useless accounting certificate, and I have no real communications or writing courses, but I know how to write.  What the heck am I going to propose to someone that I write about?"  So until I am hit with a huge lightning bolt of inspiration from the Goddess, though I would take even a static shock right now, I feel like I'm on hold... again.

Again, I'm not depressed or unhappy with this whole situation, just sometimes a bit frustrated that I don't know which way I'm going to go next (that whole "in control of my life thing").  Once I get a bit more energy (another ongoing medical frustration until I get the right dosage of synthroid), I swear I'm going hunting for that game controller and hitting START (or maybe L R start select) so I can get on with this game called life!