Just a month ago I was diagnosed with the big "C." Cancer. Much rather have the big "O," but mind you most people would. It's Thyroid Pappilary Carcinoma which is what I've been deeming the "popular cancer." It is the most common and most survivable out of all the types and if I was to pick any cancer I could have, I guess it would be this one. Still is a major pain in the neck (ha ha).
Surgery is on December 9, 2010, so I'll be home for Christmas! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Neck!! Right now, this is less than three weeks away, and I'm finally starting to stress a bit.
It's funny. Funny "snort" instead of funny ha ha. I'm actually more afraid of the surgery than the actual cancer. I think it's because even though I don't want it in me, the cancer is truly a part of my body. Surgery means foreign instruments going into my body. <shudder> I have a large enough problem with needles, let alone scalpels! People keep saying that the surgery is the easy part because I won't even know it's happening.
Exactly the problem.
I have a hard time giving up control of my body to something. I've never done drugs and I rarely drink just because of that fact. So for me to let that go, have someone put me under to do somewhat unknown things to my body, then pump me full of drugs before I wake up so I don't feel the pain, and then I'm still not truly in control of my body? That's what terrifies me. It's the unknown. I don't know how I'm going to react to the drugs, how they're going to make me feel (other than probably very shitty).
The other unkonwns that are stressing me out right now are things like I don't know how long I'm going to be off work. I know it's about 4-6 weeks recovery from the actual surgery, but after that?? I don't know if I'll need radiation of some sort, because who knows if they'll get it all in surgery <shudder>.
Honestly, even though it may mean they didn't get all the cancer in the surgery, I'm truly hoping for about 3-4 months off of work. I need the time for myself. I want to write, play games, catch up on the movies that havn't been opened for 4 Christmases. I need this time to figure out what level of synthetic TSH I need to be on because I will no longer have a thyroid in my body. Also, if I don't get this time, I'm not sure my energy levels will be up enough to keep up with two rambunctious boys who like to make it "snow" in my living room. :)
I go see the surgeon on Monday and my family doctor too. Hopefully some of these unknowns will turn into knowns so I can continue on with my "stop stressing and start living" normal mindset.